Month: December 2017

Russia Journal 24th – First edition – Ridiculous Japan with happy manager Gatifun, How the hell?

by Gatifun & bill_bill

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Russia Journal 24th – First edition –

Gatifun seems happy but he got 7 cucumbers on his net!!!

1) Manager Gatifun, harakiri is rounding your body, general strike on your country, big bet dealers are threating you. Why that stupid and idiot smile on your face?



Well, did you read 21th edition of this jounal?

I’m so so happy, never enjoyed as I did with my crew…

2) And what about your match? Really Djowger’s Costa Rica played so good to score 7 times?

After last flight, I took some wrong steps: I sent players to another stadium for example. Fortunately, they could get the correct place by running due to the traffic jam. Don’t get that angry at me, everyone could have a mistake, couldn’t they? They are young men, doesn’t matter…

3) Tsubasa has been very upset. He really hoped you team was going to make it. Costa rica didn’t seem a very strong rival. Do you feel a complete failure by yourself?

No no no, I didn’t failure at all. Stats show Japan played very well, see them, I shooted 31 times, and Djowger only 1 far shoot. No once can understand how he scored 7 goals.

Mister, these aren’t stats, you are reading and old calendar, mate!

Ah, then, hmmmm, well, how could I tell it, better I run away!!!

Russia Journal 22th – Last edition – Machu Picchu Spanish Nestoroide party & Galataplace’s Brazil returning home after a very good WC

by Gatifun & bill_bill

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December 22th – Last edition

Nestoroide only try to get fun, but he keeps scoring hard…

1) Manager Nestoroide, another 2 high scoring matchs. What’s the secret to keep scoring so many goals?

Well, Paulo shoots and the ball goes to the net, sometimes he does with the head and the ball goes to the net too. In fact i dont know anything about football, i said “yes” to be the manager cause i thought soccer was about to surfing in the caribbean. I started to suspect i was wrong when someone sayd that world cup was in Russia, but thought Russia have some land in the caribbean too.

2) Some managers raised concerns that Peruvian Shamans have been using hallucinogenic drugs to recover your players from fatigue, at a very faster rate than normal! Will you admit to this fact?

No, we didnt used hallucinogenic drugs for recover, we used it just for fun. Cause football its just a game, were here to enjoy the experience.

3) Peruvian president said he is already making arrangements for a WC20018 title celebration party, to be held in Machu Picchu, in a cerimony were Mother Earth will be praised for transmitting infinite energy to your players during matches! He also said you will be covered in Inca gold, as a token for your work! You really trick them, didn’t you?

I didnt do it for the money!, im doing it just for fun, and a little for the drugs…, by the way, why do you ask so much?, im here just to buy stuff again, how many for the pills? You make family discounts?…

Last 16 KO round: Galatapalace’s Brazil stopped by xflea’s Sweden

1) Manager Galatapalace, Brazil goes home with more conceded goals than scored. You had luxury trio Neymar, Gabriel Jesus & William & the good old Brasilian coffee to keep them awake. What else did you need?

Unfortunately we lost and we put towels in the couch. I guess this is my fault not the players’s. I wondered about brazilian dance before the match and wanted to learn samba. Somehow, We forgot to practice. There is a Turkish proverb which explains the situation: “If the imam (the religous leader) farts, the congregation will make shit” which means “If a leader makes a small mistake, his followers will then make big mistakes” I think this is the case: “what we do is shit”.

2) Tiririca, a Brazilian Clown, used slogans including “What does a federal congressman do? I really don’t know – but if you vote for me, I’ll tell ya” and “It can’t get any worse, vote Tiririca”. He became the second-most-voted congressman in Brazil’s history.
If Brazilians got fooled by such bullshiter, I’m sure it won’t be hard for you to justify the WC elimination with some Samba music act with a Pele poster in the background. Are you up for it, to save your job?

There is no need for Tririca. I’m quitting work already. But Brazilians should think about it ” at least as a manager i didn’t conceded 7 goals” like Felipe Scolari did. Plus, i don’t think he is my rival at dancing samba anymore.. I beleive, from now on, I am here at Brazil going on by dancing instead of coaching. Dance is better..

3) I’m sorry but I believe you will get fired, no matter how much Samba you dance. And sadly, due to high import taxes, a PS4 in Brazil costs roughly $1850. So it’s likely you won’t ever play Brazil again… not even in the PS4. Could life be any harder, at the moment?

I used to have PS4 which was taken from me by some of Brazilian fans after got a bashing from. At this point, The Brazilian Federation could give me some compensation but they even didn’t recognize me on face ( little bloody). They behaved me as if they had forgotten even my name. I don’t understand why that much of anger against me really.. Anyway, i called Felipe Scolari who is one of my best friend and asked him if he had LMA Manager’s floopy disks for Amiga. I have Amiga and he has floopy disks. That is all…

Russia Journal – 22th – Portugal sacks manager bill_bill

by Gatifun & bill_bill

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Portugal sacks manager bill_bill, in the wake of World Cup elimination vs Nesteroide’s Peru

Taking effective immediately, Portuguese Football Federation (PFF) relieved bill_bill from team management, following the quarter-final loss against Peru.

To our microphones PFF President commented on the decision:
“European Champions in title shouldn’t get eliminated by some casual mountain potato growers, nor are we in tune with Mr. bill_bill’s circus style communication. Clearly it was time for a change.”

About the match PFF President has this to say:

“About 20 min into the game Peru had already put our key players Ronaldo & William Carvalho blinking like a christmas tree & our sissy subs then decided to came in with medieval armours for protection. Needless to say that once they fell, they weren’t able to stand up ever again, so we played with minus 2 players in our lineup the rest of the way!”

We later managed to reach contact with Mr. bill_bill, who was clear in his message:

“Chubby PFF President should hit the gym!”.

Invited to adress his professional future, Mr. bill had this to say:

“No kingdom of Arabia salaries here, so another job is in order. Going to open a kids football academy back home… you know how the saying goes: those who can, do; those who can’t, teach!”

Russia Journal 21th – Japanese gheisa crew (photo added) – Kim Jong Un ‘s dreams…

by Gatifun & bill_bill

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December 21th

gatifun’s Japan secures win vs enbino’s powerhouse England and advances to the quarterfinals stage

1) As the match where managers skill level was theoretically closer, when compared with the remaining 7 matches, SWOS analysts forecast this to be a close one? How was the match, Mr. gatifun?

Yeah, Enbino’s England made a very good first half, really I was lucky. But on second half, I depeloped all my samurai soul and could make it.
Besides, we played on a hill, and I was in the higher side…

2) 52 year old Tsubasa Oozora spoke yesterday after the match, saying Japan is playing like never before! How good is to receive praising by Japan’s football hero?

Oh yes, we have trained how to show shine eyes and got a good hair cut with Tsubasa style, I think It has been the most difficult part of our trainment, but good results are coming!

3) After this magnific win you are by now adored and respected by Japanese fans back home and harakiri (Japanese ritual suicide) is now off the table! However, your bowing has increased exponentially, as you keep saluting tourist Japanese fans here in Russia, and reports say you’re having tremendous back pain. Deeply concerned by this, Japanese emperor decided earlier today to fly over a crew of 20 geisha masseuses to take care of your “health”. Japan’s quartefinals opponents managers djowGer and armandojimenez received this news with a smile on their faces, commenting your focus will never be the same as you’ll be attending these “women in need”. What response do you have for Managers djowGer and armandojimenez? Is Japan’s performance really in risk, from here on out?

I tell Armando and Djowger than help if not necessary, Japan’s manager always will take care of these poor and sad 20 geisha crew and make them happy. I will show them my personal tamagochi in order they can enjoy it as much as they wish!!! To be focused on next match is other story…

May Tsubasa’s spirit guide you to the finals, manager!

Armandojimenez’s South Korea to face djowGer’s Costa Rica, after coming in front of Germany & Mexico in Group 6

1) Recent Journal WC2018 research sugests you will now be facing a very solid defense and prolific attack. On top of it, this is the match where teams are more equivalent, when compared with all other last 16 stage matches. All in all, you’ll be facing a big challenge. Prognostics?

My prediction is that korea is different. We are good in penalty

2) Kim Jong-un is having unconfortable sleeping nights, as South Korea progresses in the World Cup. Are u looking to win the war preemptively by delivering him a long distance heart attack?

Kim Jong-un promises to make players with more talent than Messi.

3) In Valentine’s Day, Korean women show boyfriends their love by giving them presents. Not the other way around. How did Koreans convinced their women this was the “proper way to be”? Are they more intelligent than the rest of us?

Woman in korea are now robots, like replicants, buy the model of samsung RX, not only give you a present..

Russia Journal 20th – Tim Iceland dream ended – Seth Belgium facing Dota Poland…

by Gatifun & bill_bill

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December 20th

Tim’s Iceland unable to cope with the high scoring tempo of Nestoroide’s Peru

1) Manager Tim, Iceland’s dream ended upon facing a powerful Peru. Walk us on the events of the match, will you?

It’s very difficult to talk after game like this. Nestoroide for Peru is like Del Bosque for Spain. My players had difficulties gaining control on the ball. Defence was out of question.

2) Reaching the last 16 KO round could be seen as a befitting result to Iceland’s capabilities. Viking fighting spirit didn’t travel with your team to Russia, for the extra push into a quarterfinals place?

It’s the first time we reach that stage of World Cup. People in Iceland are happy and let’s not forget that Peru is not England 🙂

3) I was told the majority of present-day Icelanders believe in Elves and Trolls. Will you try to justify this defeat by saying Peru players are in fact aliens using anti-gravity technology?

Peru players are anunnaki. They play football from another planet.

Belgium’s manager Seth facing a hard challenge vs Poland’s DoTa

1) Manager, tough match coming vs croud favorite DoTa. Are Polish fans in for one hard disappointment?

Of course, the polish team with his great manager DoTa is a very, very hard opponent. But my team is not taking part in this tournament to worship other teams and serve them tea and cookies. We respect DoTas skills but we will give our very best to make belgium great again!
By the way: betting odds are better playing vs favorite teams. Last chance to place a bet on me 🙂

2) Manager DoTa confided me he found Belgium’s achilles heel – having only 2 forwards – and he will be going for an early injury on one of them, forcing you to change tactics! Can curly hair Fellaini also play as striker?

I don’t understand the question. We are not playing with our bench 😊
Mr Fellaini is our secret weapon. If is haircut is in a good mood, it will play every position. You can use it as a one man defensive wall and opponent strikers do not see the goal anymore. The haircut can play as strike and the opposing goal keeper will see the ball too late.
But….is ist now our secret weapon anymore … ?
We also watched many games of the italian national team where you can learn how to get fouled but not getting injured. You know the italian team? They played many world cups in the past…before this one 😊

3) Recent Journal WC2018 research revealed:
a) Belgium & Poland are close teams in relative value, only differing by the 2nd lowest differential among all 8 games;
b) Poland Manager DoTa is the best improved player (SRN) during the WC2018, among all 16 players left;
c) Belgium’s low differential in scored vs conceded goals.

So, no significant advantage in team comparison, facing a prodigy manager and Belgium likely has unresolved defensive issues.What’s the game plan?

Uh, mate…lots of statistic. Do not trust statistic that you did not fake yourself. The truth is in the square. The game lasts 90 minutes. And now I have to pay lots of money for all those phrases 😊
We are looking forward to this game vs one of best manager around here. And our advantage is, that we have nothing to loose. If we loose, we’ll get drunk. If we win, we‘ll get drunk, too! So my team and me are about to win anyway 😊

Russia Journal – Bomb and Kib’s previous remarks to their match! Did they forecast well?

by Gatifun & bill_bill

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December 20th

Bomb’s Australia goes into the last 16 round, coming out of Group 3 without defeats

1) With a squad with litle more than some sprinters, Australia managed to display an admirable regularity, finishing with 5 pts in Group 3. What did you add to the recipe, to make omelets without eggs?

Omelets without eggs – well, I think it is possible but please ask my wife for more details. As mentioned in the last interview I just discovered some nice qualities in some players and let them play new positions where they – at least in my eyes – perform much better. Honestly said: I think some of the former Australian national coaches had tomatos on there eyes.

2) Recent Journal WC2018 research sugest you will now be facing a serious challenge facing a solid defensive and offensive team. Besides Australia shows offensive frailties, once it was the team coming to this round with the least scored goals. What’s the strategy for this match?

Our strategy is to lull our oppoenents with a style which seem to be helpless. As long as we get no goal against us, everything is fine! I should not say it now, but we do respect nothing than our beloved kangaroos! In sense of football we just don’t care … it is not our national sport. We have nothing to lose.

3) Just in case your strategy does not work, can I sugest freeing a tasmanian devil (trained in Croatian flesh) in the pitch?

Mhhhhhh… I think that would turn my players nervous. Can you offer a Kangaroo instead?

Kib_diZ’s Croatia to face Bomb’s “swiss watch” Australia

1) Manager, apart from Mr. Bomb’s experience, recent Journal WC2018 research sugests all factors pile in your favor to achieve a win: a) Croatia’s solid defensive and offensive sectors, place you among a restrict club of only 4 very competente Managers; b) Croatia’s team is much better than Australia’s, by a margin like in no other match in this WC2018 round; c) Australia shows offensive frailties and was the team coming to this round with the least scored goals. Everyone seems to think 5-0 in your favor looks like a reasonable result. Agree?

I don’t expect easy walk in this match, that’s for sure. Despite of the fact that Australia is an underdog in the upcoming game, they have a first-class manager and a lot of decent players who can bring problems for us. So we can’t underestimate the opposition and got to play with full concentration.

2) In a recent flash interview, manager bill_bill sugested highly medaled managers shouldn’t win WC2018 because they already get the fame, money, ladies & swag! Considering Mr. Bomb is clearly one of them, can we count on you to send him home?

I will do my best. But it’s not about fame and swag… Our team want to make a whole nation proud and happy. Naprijed, Hrvatska!

3) A report says members of your staff have been seen setting up some Nikola Tesla’s type of gear alongside the pitch yesterday night. Are you looking to electrocute Australian players, in case they start running too much during the match?

Well… This is a secret information. The paparazzi who was taking the photos of our invention is gone missing already. So if you don’t want to repeat his fate I’m highly recommend you not to mention this device ever again.

Russia Journal – Boruc2 & Enbino hot comments!!!

by Gatifun & bill_bill

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December 19th

Boruc2’s Uruguay to face “Grandmaster” Iran’s bobbiebobras

1) So Manager, 8 goals on the Saudis in the Group stage. Easiest punching bag you ever hit?

And so 8 goals from the Saudi are a result of a good game of the whole team, it was not an easy match, although the result indicates otherwise the Saudi team had their chances to score goals in this match but good attitude showed our goalkeeper.

2) You will now be facing the best manager among the 16 teams competing, bobbiebobras. Are your world class strikers Suarez and Cavani shooting down the Iranians, anyway?

Of course I realize that I got the perfect manager who is Bobbie, but you have to roll up your sleeves and play with a lot of determination not to be aware of this beautiful event and advance to the next round.

3) Recent Journal WC2018 research sugests both teams have highly productive attack and very solid defense, which may end up in both teams cancel each other out. What will be the decisive factor in this game?

Both teams have a chance to get everything promoted by the upcoming match, probably both teams cheap courtesy does not sell so it promises to be an interesting meeting.

Enbino’s England disapointing fans by losing to the less skilled Gatifun’s Japan

1) Manager, dispite clearly dominating Group 7 and having all kinds of offensive solutions, once again England ins’t able to reach the later stages of a main tournament. What went wrong with the match? Did Mr. gatifun’s tactics prevailed?

We are so believed in ourselves that we didnt build a team tactic for tha game. 🙂 Even i said go to the pitch and play as u like. But then we saw japanese were so stubborn and also playing well, so we were surpised.
In defence we are sure to head the ball but interestingly japanese did some curve ball and headed them in ! May be we think somebody from us would surely head the ball away , but it happened reverse.

2) Rumor has it that Wayne Rooney took several team members partying to the Metelitsa Casino, the night before the match vs Japan. Can you confirm? What punishment are you imposing on them?

We went there as a team . It was a fasnicating , enjoyable night. I left abit early at 2. a. m. and sure i strictly told my players to leave the casino at far 3. a. m. May be they didn’t i dont know . I was a bit drunk 😉

3) After this loss, the Queen suggested you should take part in the running down hill cheese-rolling competition… permanently. The winner gets to keep the cheese. Will you indulge the Queen by making this your next job?

Before this loss, I was about to make a contract with Manchester Utd. But later they called and said they are thinking someone else instead. ohh who cares , i would buy a house near the seaside and thinking about fishing in my retirement.
They said Queen phoned me but i didnt have chance to make a contact with her , because we were busy in the bar with rooney probably making serious revision of the match played. Rooney was making celebrations because he tought that we won the game.
Then he felt sorry for the loss and offered me a beer. We can join the cheese competition as a whole team. By the way, Rooney claims he can catch the cheese with his mouth easily!

Russia Journal – 18th – France’s LaTower scores only 1 pts in Group 3 & goes home

by Gatifun & bill_bill

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December 7th

France’s LaTower scores only 1 pts in Group 3 & goes home

1) Manager, today’s newspaper referers you could one day be considerered a visionair, because of how your tactics were able to nullify your own team. Do you feel this remark makes you justice?

Afer the hardwork, i´m now in my meditation and relax escape from France to Tibet. I think that we had extremly bad luck. As a visionair, i must tell you one example of it: we had the bad luck to go out everynight before the matches… and then we have a “bad luck hang over” during games… tell me that wasn´t bad luck!

2) So far you haven’t resign your position, dispite your underachievings. Ence, do you think the French may be conspiring on a new revolution, bringing back the old but effective guillotine?

I rather the bonfire as Javier Krahe said!

3) I heard the French army has a position open as carrier pigeons manager. I’m not sure pigeons are also able to play football, but will you consider this position as your next professional experience?

We played once against a pingeons team, and we lose, so i think they dont want me as a manager. But no problem, im on charge of the nuclear program now, everybody safe.

Russia WC Journal – Dec 14th – Coca Cola cruises Egypt…

by Gatifun & bill_bill

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Coca Cola cruises Egypt to 1st place in Group 1, overcoming favorite Uruguay

1) Egypt reached 9 pts, with limited resources in all team sectors. Is Mohamed Salah a “1 man show” or you strategized in hieroglyphs so your players would understand the tactic better?

It is a surpise for us to get 9 points. Don’t be mistaken that Muhammed Salah becomes nominee for the top goal scorer. Behind this success is a real team game .It is true that I write the tactics on hieroglyps but sure I cant share them with u

2) I have to disclose you something… WC2018 Journal has an insider in your staff. He just revealed you are working on a “home-cooked” secret tactic based on camels: they can kick in all 4 directions. Are you expecting to boost your goal scoring with it?

We benefited a lot from the shooting technics and milk giving technics of the camles. Without them we cannot get promoted in the group. Our trainings of bicycle kick, free kicks, corners and banana cross balls already started to give out the good results.

3) In case you win the WC2018, the Egyptian Football Federation proposed you as prize the greatest Egyptian honour there is: being mummified with all procedures and rituals & then sent to the Afterlife to dwell among the stars with the dead Pharaohs… and you accepted. Can’t you see that’s the Egyptian equivalent bullshit story to Santa Claus?

It is an honour for me to win the WC2018. We are positive about being mummied as a whole team and just want to bring the world cup to Egypt. With Santa Claus, his deers and our camels, we won’t leave any non-visited planet among the stars. Manager Coca Cola further added “we have the game plan for the final safe & hidden in one of the pyramids!”